Tonight is the final night. 4th night clubbing this week. Pls be the best night.

Last night at Phuture almost everyone dead drunk. 8 of us went in together; only left with 3 at the end of night. Zzz. And I cried like mad in my friend's car when the car was playing Club Can't Handle Me. Fuck sia. Desmond is really power.

Anyway; I will be having my attachment at Citibank's McDonald House. Kind of nervous. Didn't went there at all when I was a DSO and didn't know any of the CRO or PB there. Lucky Kelly my secondary schmate is there as CRO and can have lunch with whoever DSO will be there. Hope the next 6 months will be good! And good thing is that it's only 20 mins train journey and I can head to go for shopping; movie and dinner after work! :D

I hate last night.

Sometimes I really wonder what's wrong with me. And for my attachment; I have no idea what's going right now. It's starting next mon?! WTF seriously.

Feeling so pissed off right now. With friends; attachment. And now my bloody iPhone is spoilt.

Perhaps some retail shopping later with Windy will makes me feel better. <3 And now I cant contact WY arghh!

Firstly; happy 22nd birthday to myself. Thanks to those that came to Powerhouse on my birthday night although it wasnt an awesome night.

It's time to think wiser and smarter in all aspect of life now. And I'm having 2 days mc now; have decided to say goodbye.

I am not trying to say that being a DSO is a very bad and lousy job as I have learnt alot from this job. Far more than any other job I had worked previously. Being a DSO makes me wanting to work harder for results; for money. Although time committment is seriously alot; and I have been physically and emotionally drained. I thank god for my colleagues (I can't say all but some of them ya); my team mates and of course; my boss. And this is my first time having my very own credit cards and bought so much of branded stuffs; in which I never thought that I can owe them at my current age.

Although I'm still not sure what is the outcome now; but I am glad that I managed to come to this far.

And now; I am not sure I am prepared for this. I can't say that I'm interested in you or I have already let go of Desmond. I'm glad for every single messages you sent. I'm not sure whether I deserve a good guy like you; and I might not be the one that you are looking for. Maybe; like what you said; time will tell. I'm not sure whether I am ready for this kind of relationship too... I am not someone that is able to let go of people easily; maybe everything just takes time.

I'm gonna be so much poorer for the next 6 months but; nothing is possible right?

Yes; I met Desmond last night. It was a very complicated night. Although I cried badly after club; I knew in my heart. It's worth it. I really never thought that I can get to see him again... 3 days before my birthday.

I was pretty glad that for once he text me first; asking me if I was at PH and he was able to sign me in. No doubts; I cabbed down from Zouk to PH. The first sight of seeing him at members queue and I gave him a hug outside toliet... The feeling was overwhelming. No doubts... Never for once I love you lesser. There's something that I have been wanting to say to him personally; but I did not have the chance to say that to him.

My frens were telling me not to reply his text and not to cab down to PH because of him. But I know; if I did not do so; I will definitely regret. Because I love you...

I have been thinking; have I been loving you in a correct manner. The least that I want from you is to hate and ignore me... You have been telling me that you are not good enough; but why?!

For now; there's no way that I can let you go. And perhaps; I will just wait till the day that my feelings for you will fade...

(I have alot of friends recently are being very curious about who Desmond is; I can only say he is cute and awesome in every way...)

It's Valentine's day tomorrow. It will just be another ordinary day for me. I am always glad that I am single as I will not have any emotional attached with anyone. But; Valentine's day makes me feel so alone and lonely. :( Especailly today I had lunch with 2 couples. Feeling so lightbulb...

Nevertheless; I am very glad that I am still in contact with Des. And very thanks to army; he is not able to attend to my birthday. :((( And confirm! His birthday is on 23rd march! I feel really happy as mine is 23rd as well! And his birthday is on a Wednesday as well. AND; we knew each other on 23rd too. :))

And work is so fucked up recently. Only 5 rc approved! If I couldn't get my commission this month; I will jump down man. :( So; CITIBANK CARDS ANYONE?

My boss is gonna be away for reservice from tomorrow till 26 feb! Kind of sad as some other xialan manager gonna take over! And I really thank god for having Zihao as my boss; as he is really nice. Although sometimes he will need to nag at us on loans and numbers; and always suan and scold me; But I do understand; that's his job to do so and as comparing to other managers; his nag is really nothing. And because of that; I'm having a much easier life in Citi and I managed to survive until now.

Also; due to my IIP. My boss has helped me alot. By talking to Group Head and HR; and fighting for higher basic pay for me. What he is asking from me is only loans and numbers. This is my 5th month with Citi and I really want and need to perform better!

Anyway; quite alot of stuffs happened recently. Same; I cried; I feared. And I played. Was texting Desmond just now. I didnt even dare to tell him that 23rd is actually my birthday and I told him not to bother. :( And he went rebel last sat! Damn it seriously. Sad thing was that he didnt even tell me. :( Sigh.

So damn tired and I need to sleep! Zzzzzzz

ARGH my iPhone is dead! Dropped it at Phuture's toliet bowl last night. If I have to go for 1 to 1 exchange and all my messages will be gone; I'm gonna kill Shunnie. :((

I'm a heartbreaker...

It's really amazing. On how I am feeling so crazy over you. I was basicially ignoring everyone and anyone else who was expecting my replies and I could only focus on you.

How I wish I was at Powerhouse last night. ARGHHHHH. I was really happy when you asked me to come even though it was a random question from you. Chatting with you online today and you mentioned "I thought I asked you to come?". At least I know; you were really asking me that and you werent drunk. :D

If next week!! I sure I wont regret and waste the chance of seeing you. I swear I'm gonna do and say things to you that have been pondering in my life for the past 6 months.

I never thought that I will love someone like this. I really hope for the chance seeing you again and to confirm my feelings for you. I know; this is gonna be a cycle. Giving myself false hope; dumping everyone aside; wasting my time on you for nothing; deciding to give up on you; getting everyone back; forget you again; and then giving myself false hope again...

*Club Can't Handle Me playing on my iTunes now..."

It's been full 6 months. And now Jay is gonna come to Singapore again. Memories of you just came back to my mind when I was at Bugis and Illuma on fri night. It seems like those memories happened only yesterday. I swear I could never forget.

And now you have booked in. :(( If next week... Just a hug from you will do...

HAPPY 16th BIRTHDAY TOMO.

Hope you will enjoy your day later. Bet you will drink like mad later. Haha.

You told me to take off from my work and go vacation together? We shall see if that will happen alright?

Love you. :))

IF...

There's a second chance.
Time can goes back.
I didn't did that to you.
I didn't say those words to you.
If I didn't met you.

How will my life be now?